{"id":3,"date":"2026-01-02T13:12:12","date_gmt":"2026-01-02T13:12:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/?page_id=3"},"modified":"2026-01-30T15:35:51","modified_gmt":"2026-01-30T15:35:51","slug":"privacy-policy","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/privacy-policy\/","title":{"rendered":"Privacy Policy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You have no privacy online. Every interaction with this site involves me personally watching you, making notes, and then selling everything I learn about you to, well, anyone who can pay for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After you&#8217;ve left this site and head off to Reddit, Google, or HotGranniesInYourVillage.com, I&#8217;m gonna follow you there and keep taking notes. You agreed to this earlier, when I put up that splash screen containing a lot of text that you didn&#8217;t read. It&#8217;s all detailed in sub-clause 7.3.3a.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Now, for the rest of this document, I&#8217;m going to preface everything with a nice, friendly opener, but follow it with the legal kicker which will shaft your privacy, but you&#8217;ll not notice because it&#8217;s all done under the auspices of that nice opening. Also, I&#8217;ll start using first-person plural pronouns, which makes me sound all buisnesssliek. Here goes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Here at enistello.info, we value your privacy, and are particularly fond of your cat. To enhance and reinforce your private information, we ensure that it&#8217;s never shared with anyone you haven&#8217;t preapproved, under the terms of our Privacy Policy, see sub-clause 7.3.3a.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Under only very specific circumstances are we legally entitled to pass on your information. It&#8217;s very rare. Anyway, these third-parties include the law enforcement bodies currently going door-to-door in your city looking for anyone not caucasian-looking (hello America!), or anyone with a badge that catches the light when produced in a way that might be described as &#8216;attractive&#8217;. In very controlled situations, your anonymised information (we&#8217;ll use Photoshop to smudge your first names), may be passed to others who must satisfy our stringent criteria:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Criterion 1: They must have some money.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Criterion 2: They must give us said money.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your email address is valuable to us. We will guard it, night and day, and we have a dog. It&#8217;s as valuable as one table row in a database containing over a billion similar entries. I mean, the whole thing costs us a hundred Euros a month to host. Do the maths. When that database appears for sale on The Dark Web [uuuh, scary!], it will also contain passwords in plain text. We told Bob the DBA about this, but he went on leave for a while, and we must have forgotten to remind him about it when he came back last week. Ah well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the event of any data breach that releases your information, we operate a strict set of processes, which we revise every year during our annual &#8220;Festival of Whatever&#8221;, which takes place concurrently with internal team-building exercises in the second-cheapest hotel in a run-down Las Vegas suburb. Go us! This is the process, if we can find it. It&#8217;s here somewhere. Hang on. Oh yeah, here:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>We deny there has been a data breach.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>When a cybersecurity company proves that our database is indeed for sale on The Dark Web [see above, my but it&#8217;s scary there] ($7 for <em>everything<\/em>? That&#8217;s just disrespectful), we will admit to our CEO having dropped a receipt in the car park one afternoon.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>After three months, or 12 weeks, whichever is shorter during a leap year, we will come clean and issue you, our valued customer, with a mail-merged email that puts your forename in capitals in the greeting, for some reason.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>We will pick on someone in the company we don&#8217;t like much, and tell everyone it&#8217;s their fault. They&#8217;ll have to resign, or go on a long holiday at least.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>We will rebrand at massive expense, taking a new name that sounds a bit Latin, or Greek, but implies a steadfast resolve to betterment. Jayne from HR is pushing for Servitamus, but the CEO&#8217;s wife will probably decide. Regardless, you&#8217;ll never associate enistello with a company called Honarium, who are definitely new.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Here is some Lorem Ipsum. Dave, can you put something here that sounds all legal? Love you x<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You have no privacy online. Every interaction with this site involves me personally watching you, making notes, and then selling everything I learn about you to, well, anyone who can pay for it. After you&#8217;ve left this site and head off to Reddit, Google, or HotGranniesInYourVillage.com, I&#8217;m gonna follow you there and keep taking notes. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-3","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28,"href":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/3\/revisions\/28"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/enistello.info\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}